lyrics:
Isolating in my room
I'm consumed with doom
Like a mummy in a tomb.
All wrapped up in gloom.
Contemplating on the rate in
Which my life’s disintegrating,
While my ego's straight deflating
Like a popped balloon.
I paid the ultimate price for a vice.
Rolled the dice and sacrificed my morals
Jesus Christ, I was enticed by mice
Not men. It’s a sin, restin’ on my laurels
The affliction of my addiction causes friction within me
And I'm needin’ to be free from tragedy, but it's fiction
My conviction to use drugs to lessen my shame
Is a contradiction at best. Yields more of the same.
So I blame my drug use on the abuse
My husband’s been inflicting, but that's untrue
'Cause introspection reveals self-deception.
Now I'm reflectin’ on the lessons I failed to learn.
Instead I earned me a degree in misery.
Don't wanna see that it's on me, so the pipe I'll burn.
And then in turn my soul will yearn
For the return of glee
When I was free from tragedy.
Now it's grief I churn.
Morbid reflection fueled my addiction
Causing its incessant progression
Now I'm filled with tears.
And it’s become crystal clear
That the very thing I feared had appeared
‘Cause I steered it here.
My confession starts with my obsession
Of hating him, which was deflection.
Because I lost my kids.
No more lying ‘bout who I am, more like I tossed them in.
No more hidin’, I tried denyin’ and puttin’ the blame on him.
The victim I’m playin’,
Self-pity displayin’
Which distracted me
From the harsh reality
That it was on me
That my kids were taken.
Because I didn't get sober
And what's moreover is that I chose to wallow in guilt
For being a bad mother, so they suffer
Now I‘m hollow - a hard pill to swallow
I tried to refrain from feeling insane
and remain unscathed by shame.
Done in vain for I have gained
a dark stain on my brain.
My heart’s hardened; it's been maimed. Forever changed because I'm to blame
for my children's pain.
I should've tried harder to barter for my daughter and son
I'm a piece of shit mom, an utter bum, gutter scum.
Should’ve relied upon God and sought him a ton.
Like I've always done.
What have I become?
Should’ve stayed sober
but I considered it over
Now I'll have to live
With the fact that I opted
Self-doubt and fear over loving my kids.
I’ve harmed them and scarred them
I shouldn't be pardoned
Just want them in my arms
Where they belong,
But now they're gone.
I'm the devil’s spawn
[Verse 1]
In shadows deep, where demons creep,
My soul's a tomb, secrets I keep.
A twisted game, fueled by the flame,
Lost in the haze, whispering my name.
[Chorus]
Devil's spawn, a tragic dawn,
Children gone, where did I go wrong?
Haunted cries, behind these eyes,
In this abyss, my spirit dies.
[Verse 2]
Each hit, a scar, tearing me apart,
Shattered dreams, a broken heart.
Blame's a shield, truths concealed,
In this dark maze, my fate is sealed.
[Chorus]
Devil's spawn, a tragic dawn,
Children gone, where did I go wrong?
Haunted cries, behind these eyes,
In this abyss, my spirit dies.
[Bridge]
Should have fought, with all my might,
Now darkness reigns, and steals the light.
Guilt's embrace, a bitter taste,
In this lonely space, my life's a waste.
[Chorus]
Devil's spawn, a tragic dawn,
Children gone, where did I go wrong?
Haunted cries, behind these eyes,
In this abyss, my spirit dies.
[Outro]
Gone, gone, they're gone,
My children gone, forever gone.
